The cemetery

Mom's birthday.  Porter looks freezing...wonder why.  Snow on the ground; cold wind blowing; yet he still refuses to put a jacket and pants on. Oh I wish him luck ;)

I usually don't write my personal and private feelings here on this blog.  I don't want everyone knowing my thoughts (that is what my journal, that I never write in, is for).  But for some STRANG reason, I feel like I should share my thoughts and feelings.  So, I hope that it helps who ever needs to hear this.

I guess my feelings are really tender right now about my mom.  We just went up to the cemetery the other day for her birthday.  I have always loved that I can go to her grave cite whenever I have wanted to.  Growing up near her burial plot was great.  I would run up there all the time and just sit.  Sit, cry, talk and just feel her love.

It has been bitter sweet having kids and taking them there.  I get to tell my boys all about Grandma Janette and what a great person she is.  We get to talk about how great it will be when we get to see her and Jesus again.  Oh, how these talks are tender and just makes me miss her oh so much.

Today was another emotional day because I finally put her funeral onto an mp3.  As I sat there and listened to it for the first time since her death, tears filled my eyes.  What an amazing and wonderful person she was.  Oh how I miss her. Oh how I wish she could be here with me.  I wish she was here to talk with.  I wish I could give her a hug and tell her I love her.  I wish so many things, yet she is not here on earth. BUT she has been here in spirit.

The first time I clearly remember feeling my mother's presence was the day I was leaving my mission.  It seemed as though every elder had their parents there to pick them up from the mission field.  All the parents and missionaries were so excited to see each other.  They were hugging and talking.  They were just so excited to be together. I was a little sad that my parents were not there.  BUT I remember bearing testimony that night that I knew that my mom was there with me.  I just knew it.  It was great! I remember feeling her love and that she was proud of me.  It was an awesome experience.

Today, as I listened to the funeral services; the Stake President (Pres. Roylance) promised that she would be there for the important things.  I HAVE FELT THAT!!!

I felt it both times when my children were born.  She was there.  I felt it, I know it! It makes me emotional thinking about it, but I can't deny it! Bitter sweet as they say.  I would love to have her physically, but I know spiritually she was there. Amazing that the Lord provides us these moments.

I can't remember who said it but I love what they said.  They said, "You must remember that it is a veil that separates us and those that have passed on.  It is not a brick wall, but it is a veil."  This is SO TRUE.

Ya know, death comes to us all.  We all have to go through it.  We all experience people that we love dying.  We are human and we miss them.  We have our good days and some days are just sad because we miss them so much.  But that is OK. A good cry is OK. Miss them; love them; talk to them; talk about them; have your sad days.  Have that day, that moment, but move on. You will NEVER forget them, but you have a life to live.  You have others that need you too.  Life goes on and good things still happen.  Focus on the living, the future, the good. You will be together again and it will be joyous.

I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and that it truly does keep families together.  I can't wait for the day to be able to see my mom and just hold her.  I love her so much and look forward to the day that we will be together again. I can't wait to see my grandparents, my cousin, my aunts.  Just so many people to see and to love!  What a great day that will be.

I love this gospel and I so love the peace that it brings.  I hope that whoever needs this will feel that peace and love that our Heavenly Father and the comforter will bring.  Have faith, have love, and everything will work out.